Mark Twain (1835 – 1910), was an American writer, humorist, publisher, and lecturer.
马克吐温（1835—1910），美国作家，幽默作家，出版人，演讲人。
1802. Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live. 中文 / Chinese：
找一辆单车。你不会後悔，假如你还活著的话。
1803. I was born lazy. I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago. You can't go beyond possibility. 中文 / Chinese：
我天生懒惰。我不比四十年前懒惰，因为四十年前我已经到达极限。你不可能超过可能性。
1804. It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young. 中文 / Chinese：
我们年青时不能逃避人生是多可惜。
1805. There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a Dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And You are but a Thought — a vagrant Thought, a useless Thought, a homeless Thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities. 中文 / Chinese：
没有上帝，没有宇宙，没有人类，没有地上的生活，没有天堂，没有地狱。所有只不过是梦，一个怪诞和愚蠢的梦。只有你存在。而你只不过是一个想法，孤独无助地徘徊在空洞的永恒里。
1806. When the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity. 中文 / Chinese：
当人类不在怪诞时是因为它睡了和失去它的机会。
1807. Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. 中文 / Chinese：
仁慈是一种聋子可以听和盲人可以看的语言。
1808. Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech. 中文 / Chinese：
每当人类集合超过四个人，它便不能接受言论自由。
1725. Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. 中文 / Chinese：
雷留下深刻印象；但闪电才是发生作用的。
1726. Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment. 中文 / Chinese：
法律是沙，风俗是石。可以避过法律和逃过惩罚，但公然违背风俗肯定带来肯定的惩罚。
1727. Virtue never has been as respectable as money. 中文 / Chinese：
美德从不被尊重像金钱。
1728. It may be called the Master Passion—the hunger for Self-Approval. 中文 / Chinese：
它可以被称为激情之主 — 对自我肯定的渴望。
1729. To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing. 中文 / Chinese：
在这世界里，承诺不做的事令身体想要做那事。
1730. You cannot lay bare your private soul and look at it. You are too much ashamed of yourself. It is too disgusting. For that reason I confine myself to drawing the portraits of others. 中文 / Chinese：
你不能看你自己赤裸的灵魂。你太羞耻了。太令人厌恶了。因此我限制自己描绘他人的画像。
1731. I started out alone to seek adventures. You don't really have to seek them—that is nothing but a phrase—they come to you. 中文 / Chinese：
我单独去寻找奇遇。你不一定要寻找 - 他们只不过是一个用语 - 他们找到你。
1718. Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world — and never will. 中文 / Chinese：
对麻木不仁的主张忠诚从不在这世界里打断一条锁链或释放一个人的灵魂 — 而永远不会。
1719. We haven't all had the good fortune to be ladies; we haven't all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground. 中文 / Chinese：
我们没有那麽好运做女士；我们都不是将军，诗人，政治家；但我们都站在同一地面上。
1720. I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. 中文 / Chinese：
我和百万富豪对立，但给予我这位置时便危险了。
1721. A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle. 中文 / Chinese：
圆形是一条中间有洞和圆的直线。
1722. All creatures kill—there seems to be no exception; but of the whole list, man is the only one that kills for fun; he is the only one that kills in malice, the only one that kills for revenge. 中文 / Chinese：
所有生物都杀戮 — 似乎没有例外；但在这列表里，人是唯一以杀戮为乐；他是唯一为恶念而杀，他是唯一为报仇而杀。
1723. As I slowly grow wise I briskly grow cautious. 中文 / Chinese：
当我慢慢地长得明智，我快速变得小心。
1724. Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. 中文 / Chinese：
肥皂和教育不会像大屠杀来得那麽突然，但长远来说他们更加致命。
1655. Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away and a sunny spirit takes their place. 中文 / Chinese：
幽默是伟大的，可取的事。发生时，所有困难，愤怒和怨恨都离开。和煦的精神取代了它们。
1656. An injurious lie is an uncommendable thing; and so, also, and in the same degree, is an injurious truth—a fact that is recognized by the law of libel. 中文 / Chinese：
一个诽谤的谎言是一件不可接受的事；而同样地，是一个中伤的事实，一个被诽谤罪所公认的。
1657. A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. 中文 / Chinese：
一个球形的男人不能被指望可以适合于一个正方形的洞。他必需时间来调整他的外形。
1658. Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. 中文 / Chinese：
原则没有真正的力量除非一个人已经温饱。
1659. I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. 中文 / Chinese：
我一定有有异常数量的想法；有时要用一星期去作出抉择。
1660. They spell it "Vinci" and pronounce it "Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. 中文 / Chinese：
他们拼作”Vinci"和发音为"Vinchy"。外国人经常拼音比发音好。
1661. The funniest things are the forbidden. 中文 / Chinese：
最有趣的事物是被禁的。
1662. Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any. 中文 / Chinese：
尊重你的上司，假如你有的话。
1593. A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. 中文 / Chinese：
没有比承认自己是骗子的人更为真诚。
1594. Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. 中文 / Chinese：
名声是蒸气；出名是意外；世上可以肯定的是遗忘。
1595. None but the dead have free speech. 中文 / Chinese：
只有死人才有言论自由。
1596. Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute and cannot unite — but they all worship money. 中文 / Chinese：
有些人崇拜地位，有些人崇拜权力，有些人崇拜上帝，他们驳斥这些理想和不能团结 — 但他们都崇拜金钱。
1597. You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus. 中文 / Chinese：
当你的想像力不能集中时，你不能依赖你的判断。
1598. God's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn. 中文 / Chinese：
上帝对人的不人道製造了成千上万的哀悼。
1599. Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. 中文 / Chinese：
先取得事实，然後你怎样歪曲也可以。
1560. Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it. 中文 / Chinese：
诚实是最佳政策 — 当涉及金钱。
1550. He had only one vanity; he thought he could give advice better than any other person. 中文 / Chinese：
他只有一样虚荣心；他觉得他可以比其他人给予更好的忠告。
1552. Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all — the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved. 中文 / Chinese：
死亡是唯一不朽的的对待我们一样，它的怜悯，平静，庇护给我们所以人，那些污染的，纯净的，富有的，贫穷的，被爱的，没有被爱的。
1553. It should, it seems to me, be our pleasure and duty to make those people [the Filipinos] free, and let them deal with their own domestic questions in their own way. And so I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land. 中文 / Chinese：
我们愉快和有本份地令到菲律宾人自由，和允许他们用自己的方法去处理国内问题。我不支持帝国主义。我反对鹰把爪在另外的地方。
1554. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. 中文 / Chinese：
激进分子发明意见。当他消耗完後保守派采用它。
1555. It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare. 中文 / Chinese：
不寻常的是这世界上生理的勇气十分普通，而道德的勇气十分罕有。
1514. A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother. 中文 / Chinese：
一个婴儿是难以估计的祝福和烦扰。
1515. Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more. 中文 / Chinese：
经常坦然承认错误。这样那些当权者放下戒心和给予你更多犯的机会。
1516. Not a single right is indestructible: a new might can at any time abolish it, hence, man possesses not a single permanent right. God is Might (and He is shifty, malicious, and uncertain). 中文 / Chinese：
没有一个单一的公理是不可摧毁：一个新的权力可以任何时间废除它，因此，人不拥有一个永久的公理。上帝是强大的（和衪是多变的，恶意的，和不确定的）
1517. Humor must not professedly teach, and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. By forever, I mean thirty years. 中文 / Chinese：
幽默不能专业地教，和它不能专业地讲道，但假如它要永远生存就要两样都做到。永远是指叁十年。
1518. Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them. 中文 / Chinese：
本质不懂得下流；人发明他们。
1519. "In God We Trust." It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings. It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased: it always sounds well — In God We Trust. 中文 / Chinese：
“我们相信上帝”。它是给我们最上等的赞辞，和最令我们满足的感觉。它是简单，直接，优雅的措辞：它经常听来恰当 - 我们相信上帝。
1484. Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. 中文 / Chinese：
从不跟一个蠢人争论，他们会拉你下来到他的水平然後用经验赢你。
1485. The only reason why God created man is because he was disappointed with the monkey. 中文 / Chinese：
上帝做人的唯一原因是衪对猴子失望。
1486. The lack of money is the root of all evil. 中文 / Chinese：
缺乏金钱是所有邪恶的根源。
1487. France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. 中文 / Chinese：
法国没有冬天，没有夏天，没有道德。除了这些弊端，它是一个美好的国家。
1488. Now what I contend is that my body is my own, at least I have always so regarded it. If I do harm through my experimenting with it, it is I who suffer, not the state. 中文 / Chinese：
现在我所满足的是我的身体是自己的，无论如何我一直对它後悔。如果我为了实验而令它受伤，是我受苦，而不是国家。
1489. Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. 中文 / Chinese：
只有一事对上帝来说是不可能：从世上版权法中寻找丝毫理性。
1490. To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology. 中文 / Chinese：
创造一个人是傑出和原本的主意；但加羊进去是同语反复。
1491. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. 中文 / Chinese：
衣服决定了人。赤裸的人只有少许或没有社会影响力。
1401. Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind.
中文 / Chinese：
人是唯一的生物有一个下流的思想。
1402. It is easier to stay out than get out.
中文 / Chinese：
不干涉比摆脱容易。
1403. The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.
中文 / Chinese：
不读书的人不比不能够读书的人优胜。
1404. A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants.
中文 / Chinese：
一个谎言可以环绕地球六次而真相还在穿裤子。
1405. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
中文 / Chinese：
我从不容许学校干扰的教育。
1406. Travel is fatal to prejudice, Bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
中文 / Chinese：
旅遊是对偏见，固执，心胸狭窄致命的。
1407. Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
中文 / Chinese：
政客和尿片都要时常更换，而原也是一样。
1408. Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
中文 / Chinese：
从不跟一个蠢人争论，旁观者也许不能分辨。
1409. Don't wait the time is never just right.
中文 / Chinese：
不要等，时间从不会合适。
1379. A man cannot be made comfortable without his own approval. 中文 / Chinese：
一个人若不认同自己他不会感到舒适。
1380. We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove. 中文 / Chinese：
我们是谨慎的羊；我们等待看著畜群怎样走，然後跟著畜群走。
1381. In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that. 中文 / Chinese：
在现实世界里，没有事情在合适时间和合适地方发生。新闻工作者和历史学家的工作就是改正它。
1382. I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them. 中文 / Chinese：
我发觉到没有比旅遊更肯定的方法去找出你喜欢或憎恨某一些人。
1383. My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. 中文 / Chinese：
我的母亲跟我有一大堆麻烦，但我想她是享受的。
1384. Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law. 中文 / Chinese：
亚当是最幸运的男人；他没有外母。
1385. Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance. 中文 / Chinese：
有节制的禁酒是最好的；没有节制的禁酒伤害到禁酒的原意。
1386. I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. 中文 / Chinese：
我是一个老人知道很多烦恼，但大部份都没有发生。
1312. Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. 中文 / Chinese：
每当你发觉你在大多数的那一面，是时候革新了。
1313. Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. 中文 / Chinese：
教育是一条由自大的无知去糟糕的不肯定的道路。
1314. Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul. 中文 / Chinese：
假如有需要的话，衣著草率还可以，但灵魂一定要保持整洁。
1315. Prosperity is the best protector of principle. 中文 / Chinese：
繁荣是原则的最佳保护者。
1316. To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler and less trouble. 中文 / Chinese：
做个好人是高贵的，但教其他人怎样做个好人更高贵而且少一点麻烦。
1317. What, then, is the true Gospel of consistency? Change. Who is the really consistent man? The man who changes. Since change is the law of his being, he cannot be consistent if he stick in a rut.
中文 / Chinese：
什麽是真正一贯性的福音？改变。谁确实是一贯性的人？会变化的人。由於改变是他的本质，他若墨守成规就不能一贯性。
1318. What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one's self-approval.
中文 / Chinese：
我们怎样称呼爱，恨，慈善，报仇，人性，宽恕？控制衝动的各种结果，保卫自我肯定的需要。
1128. Do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
中文 / Chinese：
每天做一些你不想做的东西。这是养成尽本份习惯的金科玉律。
1129. We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks, if we agree with him. 中文 / Chinese：
我们喜欢一个人坦白说出他的想法，假如我们同意他。
1130. A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time. 中文 / Chinese：
习惯不能够一下子丢出窗外；它一定要轻轻的一步步走下梯级。
1131. We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the human race. 中文 / Chinese：
我们不需要太担心人从何而来；人传下什麽才令人类羞耻。
1132. I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t. 中文 / Chinese：
我比佐治华盛顿拥有更高和更宏大的原则。他不可以说谎；我可以，但我不会。
1133. Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. 中文 / Chinese：
上帝在工作星期完的时候创造人，衪很累。
1134. There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can. 中文 / Chinese：
一个人两个时候他不应该推测：当他不能够负担，和他能够负担。
1135. There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. 中文 / Chinese：
有几个对诱惑的好保护方法，但最肯定的是胆小。
1043. Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. 中文 / Chinese：
永不容许正式的教育阻碍你的学习。
1044. If you have nothing to say, say nothing. 中文 / Chinese：
假如你没有话说，不要说。
1045. The secret of getting ahead is getting started. 中文 / Chinese：
领前的秘诀是开始。
1046. Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. 中文 / Chinese：
经常做对的事。这会使有些人高兴和使其他人惊讶。
1047. Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. 中文 / Chinese：
皱纹应该只是象徵笑容出现过的地方。
1048. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear. 中文 / Chinese：
勇气是对恐惧的抗拒，控制 -- 而不是要恐惧的不存在。
797. A successful book is not made of what is in it, but of what is left out of it. 中文 / Chinese：
一本成功的书不是内里有什麽，是它剩下了什麽。
798. Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. 中文 / Chinese：
和妻子争论是危险的，因为她们审查争论细节；但她们不会审查讚美之辞。
799. Marriage—yes, it is the supreme felicity of life. I concede it. And it is also the supreme tragedy of life. The deeper the love the surer the tragedy. And the more disconsolating when it comes. 中文 / Chinese：
婚姻 — 它是人生极度的幸福。我勉强承认。它也是人生极度的悲剧。爱得越深悲惨更多，悲伤更甚。
800. There are three things which I consider excellent advice. First, don’t smoke to excess. Second, don’t drink to excess. Third, don’t marry to excess. 中文 / Chinese：
叁样东西我认为是极好的忠告。第一，不要抽太多。第二，不要喝太多。第叁，不要娶太多。
801. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
中文 / Chinese：
二十年後今天，你为你未做过的事沮丧会比为已做过的事沮丧更多。你会为自己未做的事比做过的事沮丧。所以松开主帆。从安全海港起航。用风帆抓住信风。探索。做梦。发现。
802. If you are speaking the truth you don't have to remember anything. 中文 / Chinese：
假如你说真话你不用记任何事情。
526. To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. 中文 / Chinese：
要有成功的人生，你需要两样东西：无知和信心。
526. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. 中文 / Chinese：
假如你收养了一只饿狗让它好过，它不会咬你。这是狗与人最主要的差别。
527. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great. 中文 / Chinese：
离开那些贬低你野心的人。小人物经常这样做，但优秀的人会令你感到你也可以成为优秀。
528. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. 中文 / Chinese：
勇气抵御恐惧，掌握恐惧，但不离开恐惧。
529. Do something every day that you don’t want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain. 中文 / Chinese：
每天做一些你不想做的事情；这是养成尽责习惯的黄金规则。
530. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did. 中文 / Chinese：
廿年後今天，你会为已做过的事沮丧，但你会为未做过的事沮丧更多。
531. Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. 中文 / Chinese：
幽默是人类最大的祝福。
312. Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection” 中文 / Chinese：
持续的进步比耽误的完美更好。
313. Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. 中文 / Chinese：
善良是一种聋子能听见、盲人能看见的语言。
314. “Never try to teach a pig to sing, you waste your time, and you annoy the pig” 中文 / Chinese：
从不教猪唱歌，浪费了时间，惹恼了猪。
315. To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. 中文 / Chinese：
要有成功的人生，你需要两样东西：无知和信心。
316. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. 中文 / Chinese：
假如你收养了一只饿狗让它好过，它不会咬你。这是狗与人最主要的差别。
317. The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. 中文 / Chinese：
人类有一样十分有效的武器，它就是笑声。
318. It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. 中文 / Chinese：
不是因你知道而引来麻烦。而是因为你以为自己知道其实不全部知道。
319. Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.. 中文 / Chinese：
假如必须的话，不须介怀衣著，但要保持灵魂健康。
62. A good marriage is the union of two forgivers. 中文 / Chinese： 好的婚姻是由两名宽恕者结合一起。
63. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. 中文 / Chinese： 闭上嘴吧让别人认为你傻，总好过张开嘴巴去解答所有的疑难。
64. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shinning, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. 中文 / Chinese： 银行这傢伙在天晴时会借伞子给你，当一下雨便会向你要回伞子。
65. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. 中文 / Chinese： 别到处说世界亏欠了你的生活。世界什麽都不欠你，它比你先存在。
66. Give everyday the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life. 中文 / Chinese： 给每一天机会成为你人生中最美丽的一天。
67. Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would rather have talked. 中文 / Chinese： 多听少讲的回报就是智慧。
68. Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. 中文 / Chinese： 习惯就是习惯，任何人也不能一下子去除，只能慢慢一步步地改变。
