Mark Twain (1835 – 1910), was an American writer, humorist, publisher, and lecturer.
馬克吐溫（1835—1910），美國作家，幽默作家，出版人，演講人。
1802. Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live. 中文 / Chinese：
找一輛單車。你不會後悔，假如你還活著的話。
1803. I was born lazy. I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago. You can't go beyond possibility. 中文 / Chinese：
我天生懶惰。我不比四十年前懶惰，因為四十年前我已經到達極限。你不可能超過可能性。
1804. It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young. 中文 / Chinese：
我們年青時不能逃避人生是多可惜。
1805. There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a Dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And You are but a Thought — a vagrant Thought, a useless Thought, a homeless Thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities. 中文 / Chinese：
沒有上帝，沒有宇宙，沒有人類，沒有地上的生活，沒有天堂，沒有地獄。所有只不過是夢，一個怪誕和愚蠢的夢。只有你存在。而你只不過是一個想法，孤獨無助地徘徊在空洞的永恆裡。
1806. When the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity. 中文 / Chinese：
當人類不在怪誕時是因為它睡了和失去它的機會。
1807. Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. 中文 / Chinese：
仁慈是一種聾子可以聽和盲人可以看的語言。
1808. Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech. 中文 / Chinese：
每當人類集合超過四個人，它便不能接受言論自由。
1725. Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. 中文 / Chinese：
雷留下深刻印象；但閃電才是發生作用的。
1726. Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment. 中文 / Chinese：
法律是沙，風俗是石。可以避過法律和逃過懲罰，但公然違背風俗肯定帶來肯定的懲罰。
1727. Virtue never has been as respectable as money. 中文 / Chinese：
美德從不被尊重像金錢。
1728. It may be called the Master Passion—the hunger for Self-Approval. 中文 / Chinese：
它可以被稱為激情之主 — 對自我肯定的渴望。
1729. To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing. 中文 / Chinese：
在這世界裡，承諾不做的事令身體想要做那事。
1730. You cannot lay bare your private soul and look at it. You are too much ashamed of yourself. It is too disgusting. For that reason I confine myself to drawing the portraits of others. 中文 / Chinese：
你不能看你自己赤裸的靈魂。你太羞恥了。太令人厭惡了。因此我限制自己描繪他人的畫像。
1731. I started out alone to seek adventures. You don't really have to seek them—that is nothing but a phrase—they come to you. 中文 / Chinese：
我單獨去尋找奇遇。你不一定要尋找 - 他們只不過是一個用語 - 他們找到你。
1718. Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world — and never will. 中文 / Chinese：
對麻木不仁的主張忠誠從不在這世界裡打斷一條鎖鏈或釋放一個人的靈魂 — 而永遠不會。
1719. We haven't all had the good fortune to be ladies; we haven't all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground. 中文 / Chinese：
我們沒有那麼好運做女士；我們都不是將軍，詩人，政治家；但我們都站在同一地面上。
1720. I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. 中文 / Chinese：
我和百萬富豪對立，但給予我這位置時便危險了。
1721. A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle. 中文 / Chinese：
圓形是一條中間有洞和圓的直線。
1722. All creatures kill—there seems to be no exception; but of the whole list, man is the only one that kills for fun; he is the only one that kills in malice, the only one that kills for revenge. 中文 / Chinese：
所有生物都殺戮 — 似乎沒有例外；但在這列表裡，人是唯一以殺戮為樂；他是唯一為惡念而殺，他是唯一為報仇而殺。
1723. As I slowly grow wise I briskly grow cautious. 中文 / Chinese：
當我慢慢地長得明智，我快速變得小心。
1724. Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. 中文 / Chinese：
肥皂和教育不會像大屠殺來得那麼突然，但長遠來說他們更加致命。
1655. Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away and a sunny spirit takes their place. 中文 / Chinese：
幽默是偉大的，可取的事。發生時，所有困難，憤怒和怨恨都離開。和煦的精神取代了它們。
1656. An injurious lie is an uncommendable thing; and so, also, and in the same degree, is an injurious truth—a fact that is recognized by the law of libel. 中文 / Chinese：
一個誹謗的謊言是一件不可接受的事；而同樣地，是一個中傷的事實，一個被誹謗罪所公認的。
1657. A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. 中文 / Chinese：
一個球形的男人不能被指望可以適合于一個正方形的洞。他必需時間來調整他的外形。
1658. Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. 中文 / Chinese：
原則沒有真正的力量除非一個人已經溫飽。
1659. I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. 中文 / Chinese：
我一定有有異常數量的想法；有時要用一星期去作出抉擇。
1660. They spell it "Vinci" and pronounce it "Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. 中文 / Chinese：
他們拼作”Vinci"和發音為"Vinchy"。外國人經常拼音比發音好。
1661. The funniest things are the forbidden. 中文 / Chinese：
最有趣的事物是被禁的。
1662. Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any. 中文 / Chinese：
尊重你的上司，假如你有的話。
1593. A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. 中文 / Chinese：
沒有比承認自己是騙子的人更為真誠。
1594. Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. 中文 / Chinese：
名聲是蒸氣；出名是意外；世上可以肯定的是遺忘。
1595. None but the dead have free speech. 中文 / Chinese：
只有死人才有言論自由。
1596. Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute and cannot unite — but they all worship money. 中文 / Chinese：
有些人崇拜地位，有些人崇拜權力，有些人崇拜上帝，他們駁斥這些理想和不能團結 — 但他們都崇拜金錢。
1597. You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus. 中文 / Chinese：
當你的想像力不能集中時，你不能依賴你的判斷。
1598. God's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn. 中文 / Chinese：
上帝對人的不人道製造了成千上萬的哀悼。
1599. Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. 中文 / Chinese：
先取得事實，然後你怎樣歪曲也可以。
1560. Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it. 中文 / Chinese：
誠實是最佳政策 — 當涉及金錢。
1550. He had only one vanity; he thought he could give advice better than any other person. 中文 / Chinese：
他只有一樣虛榮心；他覺得他可以比其他人給予更好的忠告。
1552. Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all — the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved. 中文 / Chinese：
死亡是唯一不朽的的對待我們一樣，它的憐憫，平靜，庇護給我們所以人，那些污染的，純淨的，富有的，貧窮的，被愛的，沒有被愛的。
1553. It should, it seems to me, be our pleasure and duty to make those people [the Filipinos] free, and let them deal with their own domestic questions in their own way. And so I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land. 中文 / Chinese：
我們愉快和有本份地令到菲律賓人自由，和允許他們用自己的方法去處理國內問題。我不支持帝國主義。我反對鷹把爪在另外的地方。
1554. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. 中文 / Chinese：
激進分子發明意見。當他消耗完後保守派採用它。
1555. It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare. 中文 / Chinese：
不尋常的是這世界上生理的勇氣十分普通，而道德的勇氣十分罕有。
1514. A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother. 中文 / Chinese：
一個嬰兒是難以估計的祝福和煩擾。
1515. Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more. 中文 / Chinese：
經常坦然承認錯誤。這樣那些當權者放下戒心和給予你更多犯的機會。
1516. Not a single right is indestructible: a new might can at any time abolish it, hence, man possesses not a single permanent right. God is Might (and He is shifty, malicious, and uncertain). 中文 / Chinese：
沒有一個單一的公理是不可摧毀：一個新的權力可以任何時間廢除它，因此，人不擁有一個永久的公理。上帝是強大的（和衪是多變的，惡意的，和不確定的）
1517. Humor must not professedly teach, and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. By forever, I mean thirty years. 中文 / Chinese：
幽默不能專業地教，和它不能專業地講道，但假如它要永遠生存就要兩樣都做到。永遠是指三十年。
1518. Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them. 中文 / Chinese：
本質不懂得下流；人發明他們。
1519. "In God We Trust." It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings. It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased: it always sounds well — In God We Trust. 中文 / Chinese：
“我們相信上帝”。它是給我們最上等的贊辭，和最令我們滿足的感覺。它是簡單，直接，優雅的措辭：它經常聽來恰當 - 我們相信上帝。
1484. Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. 中文 / Chinese：
從不跟一個蠢人爭論，他們會拉你下來到他的水平然後用經驗贏你。
1485. The only reason why God created man is because he was disappointed with the monkey. 中文 / Chinese：
上帝做人的唯一原因是衪對猴子失望。
1486. The lack of money is the root of all evil. 中文 / Chinese：
缺乏金錢是所有邪惡的根源。
1487. France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. 中文 / Chinese：
法國沒有冬天，沒有夏天，沒有道德。除了這些弊端，它是一個美好的國家。
1488. Now what I contend is that my body is my own, at least I have always so regarded it. If I do harm through my experimenting with it, it is I who suffer, not the state. 中文 / Chinese：
現在我所滿足的是我的身體是自己的，無論如何我一直對它後悔。如果我為了實驗而令它受傷，是我受苦，而不是國家。
1489. Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. 中文 / Chinese：
只有一事對上帝來說是不可能：從世上版權法中尋找絲毫理性。
1490. To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology. 中文 / Chinese：
創造一個人是傑出和原本的主意；但加羊進去是同語反復。
1491. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. 中文 / Chinese：
衣服決定了人。赤裸的人只有少許或沒有社會影響力。
1401. Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind.
中文 / Chinese：
人是唯一的生物有一個下流的思想。
1402. It is easier to stay out than get out.
中文 / Chinese：
不干涉比擺脫容易。
1403. The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.
中文 / Chinese：
不讀書的人不比不能夠讀書的人優勝。
1404. A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants.
中文 / Chinese：
一個謊言可以環繞地球六次而真相還在穿褲子。
1405. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
中文 / Chinese：
我從不容許學校干擾的教育。
1406. Travel is fatal to prejudice, Bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
中文 / Chinese：
旅遊是對偏見，固執，心胸狹窄致命的。
1407. Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
中文 / Chinese：
政客和尿片都要時常更換，而原也是一樣。
1408. Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
中文 / Chinese：
從不跟一個蠢人爭論，旁觀者也許不能分辨。
1409. Don't wait the time is never just right.
中文 / Chinese：
不要等，時間從不會合適。
1379. A man cannot be made comfortable without his own approval.
中文 / Chinese：
一個人若不認同自己他不會感到舒適。
1380. We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove. 中文 / Chinese：
我們是謹慎的羊；我們等待看著畜群怎樣走，然後跟著畜群走。
1381. In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that. 中文 / Chinese：
在現實世界裡，沒有事情在合適時間和合適地方發生。新聞工作者和歷史學家的工作就是改正它。
1382. I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them. 中文 / Chinese：
我發覺到沒有比旅遊更肯定的方法去找出你喜歡或憎恨某一些人。
1383. My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. 中文 / Chinese：
我的母親跟我有一大堆麻煩，但我想她是享受的。
1384. Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law. 中文 / Chinese：
亞當是最幸運的男人；他沒有外母。
1385. Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance. 中文 / Chinese：
有節制的禁酒是最好的；沒有節制的禁酒傷害到禁酒的原意。
1386. I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. 中文 / Chinese：
我是一個老人知道很多煩惱，但大部份都沒有發生。
1354. Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. 中文 / Chinese：
從不告訴真相給那些不值得的人。
1355. In Boston they ask, How much does he know? In New York, How much is he worth? In Philadelphia, Who were his parents? 中文 / Chinese：
在波士頓他們問，他知多少？在紐約他們問，他值多少？在費城他們問，他父母是誰？
1356. Any so-called material thing that you want is merely a symbol: you want it not for itself, but because it will content your spirit for the moment. 中文 / Chinese：
任何所謂物資的東西你所需要只不過是一個象徵：你想要它不是因為它本身，而是因為它會滿足你精神的一刻需要。
1357. A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. 中文 / Chinese：
名著是每人都想讀過和無人想讀。
1358. Be good and you will be lonely. 中文 / Chinese：
做好人會孤獨。
1359. When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one. 中文 / Chinese：
當你不能夠得到一個讚賞時，給自己一個。
1360. To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did, I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times. 中文 / Chinese：
戒煙是我做過最容易的事，我應當知道因為我已做過一千次。
1361. There’s always something about your success that displeases even your best friends. 中文 / Chinese：
你的成功總有某些事會令人不快，甚至乎你最好的朋友。
1312. Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. 中文 / Chinese：
每當你發覺你在大多數的那一面，是時候革新了。
1313. Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. 中文 / Chinese：
教育是一條由自大的無知去糟糕的不肯定的道路。
1314. Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul. 中文 / Chinese：
假如有需要的話，衣著草率還可以，但靈魂一定要保持整潔。
1315. Prosperity is the best protector of principle. 中文 / Chinese：
繁榮是原則的最佳保護者。
1316. To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler and less trouble. 中文 / Chinese：
做個好人是高貴的，但教其他人怎樣做個好人更高貴而且少一點麻煩。
1317. What, then, is the true Gospel of consistency? Change. Who is the really consistent man? The man who changes. Since change is the law of his being, he cannot be consistent if he stick in a rut.
中文 / Chinese：
什麼是真正一貫性的福音？改變。誰確實是一貫性的人？會變化的人。由於改變是他的本質，他若墨守成規就不能一貫性。
1318. What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one's self-approval.
中文 / Chinese：
我們怎樣稱呼愛，恨，慈善，報仇，人性，寬恕？控制衝動的各種結果，保衛自我肯定的需要。
1128. Do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
中文 / Chinese：
每天做一些你不想做的東西。這是養成盡本份習慣的金科玉律。
1129. We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks, if we agree with him. 中文 / Chinese：
我們喜歡一個人坦白說出他的想法，假如我們同意他。
1130. A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time. 中文 / Chinese：
習慣不能夠一下子丟出窗外；它一定要輕輕的一步步走下梯級。
1131. We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the human race. 中文 / Chinese：
我們不需要太擔心人從何而來；人傳下什麼才令人類羞恥。
1132. I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t. 中文 / Chinese：
我比佐治華盛頓擁有更高和更宏大的原則。他不可以說謊；我可以，但我不會。
1133. Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. 中文 / Chinese：
上帝在工作星期完的時候創造人，衪很累。
1134. There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can. 中文 / Chinese：
一個人兩個時候他不應該推測：當他不能夠負擔，和他能夠負擔。
1135. There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. 中文 / Chinese：
有幾個對誘惑的好保護方法，但最肯定的是膽小。
1043. Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. 中文 / Chinese：
永不容許正式的教育阻礙你的學習。
1044. If you have nothing to say, say nothing. 中文 / Chinese：
假如你沒有話說，不要說。
1045. The secret of getting ahead is getting started. 中文 / Chinese：
領前的秘訣是開始。
1046. Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. 中文 / Chinese：
經常做對的事。這會使有些人高興和使其他人驚訝。
1047. Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. 中文 / Chinese：
皺紋應該只是象徵笑容出現過的地方。
1048. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear. 中文 / Chinese：
勇氣是對恐懼的抗拒，控制 -- 而不是要恐懼的不存在。
797. A successful book is not made of what is in it, but of what is left out of it.
中文 / Chinese：
一本成功的書不是內裡有什麼，是它剩下了什麼。
798. Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. 中文 / Chinese：
和妻子爭論是危險的，因為她們審查爭論細節；但她們不會審查讚美之辭。
799. Marriage—yes, it is the supreme felicity of life. I concede it. And it is also the supreme tragedy of life. The deeper the love the surer the tragedy. And the more disconsolating when it comes.
中文 / Chinese：
婚姻 — 它是人生極度的幸福。我勉強承認。它也是人生極度的悲劇。愛得越深悲慘更多，悲傷更甚。
800. There are three things which I consider excellent advice. First, don’t smoke to excess. Second, don’t drink to excess. Third, don’t marry to excess. 中文 / Chinese：
三樣東西我認為是極好的忠告。第一，不要抽太多。第二，不要喝太多。第三，不要娶太多。
801. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
中文 / Chinese：
二十年後今天，你為你未做過的事沮喪會比為已做過的事沮喪更多。你會為自己未做的事比做過的事沮喪。所以鬆開主帆。從安全海港起航。用風帆抓住信風。探索。做夢。發現。
802. If you are speaking the truth you don't have to remember anything. 中文 / Chinese：
假如你說真話你不用記任何事情。
526. To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. 中文 / Chinese：
要有成功的人生，你需要兩樣東西：無知和信心。
526. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. 中文 / Chinese：
假如你收養了一隻餓狗讓它好過，它不會咬你。這是狗與人最主要的差別。
527. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great. 中文 / Chinese：
離開那些貶低你野心的人。小人物經常這樣做，但優秀的人會令你感到你也可以成為優秀。
528. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. 中文 / Chinese：
勇氣抵御恐懼，掌握恐懼，但不離開恐懼。
529. Do something every day that you don’t want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain. 中文 / Chinese：
每天做一些你不想做的事情；這是養成盡責習慣的黃金規則。
530. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did. 中文 / Chinese：
廿年後今天，你會為已做過的事沮喪，但你會為未做過的事沮喪更多。
531. Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. 中文 / Chinese：
幽默是人類最大的祝福。
312. Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection” 中文 / Chinese：
持續的進步比耽誤的完美更好。
313. Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. 中文 / Chinese：
善良是一種聾子能聽見、盲人能看見的語言。
314. “Never try to teach a pig to sing, you waste your time, and you annoy the pig” 中文 / Chinese：
從不教豬唱歌，浪費了時間，惹惱了豬。
315. To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. 中文 / Chinese：
要有成功的人生，你需要兩樣東西：無知和信心。
316. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. 中文 / Chinese：
假如你收養了一隻餓狗讓它好過，它不會咬你。這是狗與人最主要的差別。
317. The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. 中文 / Chinese：
人類有一樣十分有效的武器，它就是笑聲。
318. It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. 中文 / Chinese：
不是因你知道而引來麻煩。而是因為你以為自己知道其實不全部知道。
319. Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.. 中文 / Chinese：
假如必須的話，不須介懷衣著，但要保持靈魂健康。
62. A good marriage is the union of two forgivers. 中文 / Chinese：
好的婚姻是由兩名寬恕者結合一起。
63. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. 中文 / Chinese： 閉上嘴吧讓別人認為你傻，總好過張開嘴巴去解答所有的疑難。
64. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shinning, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. 中文 / Chinese： 銀行這傢伙在天晴時會借傘子給你，當一下雨便會向你要回傘子。
65. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. 中文 / Chinese： 別到處說世界虧欠了你的生活。世界什麼都不欠你，它比你先存在。
66. Give everyday the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life. 中文 / Chinese： 給每一天機會成為你人生中最美麗的一天。
67. Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would rather have talked. 中文 / Chinese： 多聽少講的回報就是智慧。
68. Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. 中文 / Chinese： 習慣就是習慣，任何人也不能一下子去除，只能慢慢一步步地改變。
